do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
