The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
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Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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