I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
