people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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