I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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