no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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