Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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