I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize