i think my tv is drunk
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
