i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
