i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
