Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
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At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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