addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i think my mom watched the whole time
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
