You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
