dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
