my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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