So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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