i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
