You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
