Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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