so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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