I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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