The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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