she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
All the doctor said was why
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
