Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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