She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
