If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
