I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
