I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
