Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
