I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
