She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
