Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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