Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
