I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
