woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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