If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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