God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
