I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And then my night got REAL pukey
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
