i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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