I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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