Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
