i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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