Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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