It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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