My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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