There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
