I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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