Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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