Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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