Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
