guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My cat gives me a boner
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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