I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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