she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
All the doctor said was why
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
