just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The air was thick with penises
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
