GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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