I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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