My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
