I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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