but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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