i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dick very happy bro
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
