the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
