I can text with my tongue
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
