so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
