I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
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i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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