I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
