I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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