Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
