This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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