You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
