The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
