dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just had sex bonerless
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
