His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
