Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
