He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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