dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
