So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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