Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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