we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
