Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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