An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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