Fuck appropriateness.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
