so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
