Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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