Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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